Re-Defining Marriage?: Possible Effects on Children
The US Supreme Court is currently deliberating on their constitution and its treatment of same sex unions, and we see that some states and countries of the western world have already redefined marriage. And the big surprise, to some, is that Ireland has voted in a democratic referendum to legalize “gay marriage”. Well, Ireland already had civil unions for same-sex couples, so what does the vote mean? Primarily, it gives them the right to raise children, either by adoption or surrogacy.
In truth, we all seek happiness that comes from a shared love, and many of us seek that in a family founded on Marriage. Society seeks to register, counsel, encourage and safeguard this institution with laws and taxpayer support, and has traditionally recognized that some persons should not marry. This is because marriage has always been seen to have the potential to bring children into being, to nurture and educate them, as they make up the future of the society. Both faith and reason agree that the family is the first and irreplaceable school of social life, building respect for mutual rights and duties, encouraging a sense of justice and generous service and modelling sexual identities.
Children need to see themselves both in their similarities with the two people who are raising them and also in the differences. They need to feel a part of something bigger than themselves and, more importantly, need to see how their parents resolve this conflict. Men and women are different in so many complementary ways that need to be resolved, for them to become better parents together. For us, our differences worked together to help our children to see they belonged, and could find a place where they were loved despite or because of our differences. Often times we needed help from family, friends, priests or professionals who have developed talents for conflict resolution and peace making. In seeing such conflict resolution practices modelled, children receive the training to become the peace-makers society needs. To date there is no credible research to support any benefits for same sex parenting. On the contrary, several briefs have been written to the US Supreme Court, by children brought up in same sex couple homes telling of the painful void they experience at the absence of one of their biological parents and their confusion as to their sexual identity.
But perhaps the most important point that needs to be made is that children are persons in their own right and are not means to their parents’ happiness. They are not commodities added to our union to make us complete but individuals in their own right. We are but their stewards as parents, able to see both of us in them but also recognising their individuality and dignity. We learned immediately as parents that their needs had to be put before our own and later on we sacrificed bigger houses, cars and vacations to ensure they attained their dreams in educational and extra curricula activities, sometimes encouraging them to expand these dreams to reach higher.
Whichever way the rest of the world goes, we urge Trinidadians and Tobagonians to embrace these truths and not bow to political pressures.
